Is wedding night sex and mikva night sex really an obligation?

"The wedding night-and mikva night-The only need to have intercourse is when the woman wants it. When she doesn't want it not only is that not a mitzvah but you shouldn't be doing it. "
"The position of the Rama and Even Haezer is that if a husband ejaculates when he is with his wife, however that happens, it is not zera levatala (the spilling of seed)
 
Rabbi Dov Linzer
 
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http://jpmedia.co/wedding-night-episode/